Burning Dervish

We all know the web is jam-packed with funny, bizarre, silly, sophmoric, inane, brilliant, inspired, insipid material. Some websites manage to be all of these things at once.

Brett Meisner's Rock and Roll Bad Boy website is one such site.

One can spend endless hours on his site only to come away confused and thrilled. One page in particular exemplifies Brett's unique worldview, something he alternately calls the "Meisner Manifesto" or, "The Hard Truth".

The Manifesto is actually a list of nine "truisms" which Meisner insists are based on both scientific and spiritual principles. These truisms are:

1. Music Does Not Sound Better On Pot. Asks Brett: "...what is the finally (sic) destination for musicians who smoke pot? Just ask Kurt Cobain, Elvis Presely and Buddy Holly. Oh, I forgot - they're all dead! Nuff said..."


2. Rap Music Is A Passing Fad. According to Brett, "...like a drunk party guest who can't find his car keys, rap music continues to overstay its welcome. Now calling itself "hip-hop," rap is trying to buy a new lease on life. I say let's end this charade once and for all..."


3. Hank Williams and Johnny Cash Were Not Cool. "...Believing that either of them made one iota of a contribution to rock and roll is like believing in Santa Claus past your 11th birthday..."


4. The CIA Killed Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison. Supporting evidence, "...I have received an number on anonymous documents that indicate that Hendrix may have been killed for being half white (unconfirmed), while Morrison was killed for being half black (confirmed)..."


5. Steely Dan is the Best Recorded Band in Music History. Not even really sure what this means but its as good an explanation as any: "...Hey just 'cause someone is good looking and intelligent, does that make them an asshole? David Hasselhoff is a genius in Germany, but he can't buy a fart in America! Give him a lazy eye and some webbed feet and they'll call him a genius!"


6. Technically, Peter Frampton was Never Famous. Apparently, "...what many of you don't know are the facts..." about Peter Frampton's supposed fame and Cameron Crowe's role in continuing the myth. Nor did we.


7. MTV Ruined Rock Music. OK, we'll give him this one.


8. Woodstock was a Farce. "Quick: Name one band from Woodstock that hasn't broken into your car and stolen your Blaupunk for crack money!" And all these years we thought it was the crackhead who live down the block! Turns out it was Richie Havens!
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9. Napster Saved the Music Industry. Brett's argument being based on the fact that people who download free music create demand for legitimate store-bought product because they need the cover art to fully enjoy the experience.